Idiots, Like Us
by ghostdominion6
Summary: After being shafted by Lady Green Heart—AGAIN!—at the last possible minute, what's a disgruntled Chika to do for Christmas Eve? Why, spend the evening with her equally-lonely best friend, of course!


**Ghostdominion6 PRESENTS...  
**

 **A _Measure for Measure_ PRODUCTION...**

 **IN COLLABORATION WITH KurtisZhev1:**

 **Idiots Like Us**

 **...**

* * *

On the darkest field in all the land, a monstrous beast straight out of lore began to roam! The behemoth, standing at the size of a freaking mountain, seeked an unspeakable destination... and would stop at nothing to achieve its fiendish objective. Its horrifying paws, much like that of a horsebird twenty times too big, smashed into the ground, creating massive craters along the path... and its head, adorned with horns and a thousand tentacles with eyes at the end of each, let out a terrifying roar. Its crocodile-like tail smashed against the grass as the beast moved on. This was certainly not a creature to mess with.

The sky, barren and lifeless as the sun surrendered to the night, unleashed a ghostly wind, chilling all it passed by. Why, even the creature couldn't help but shiver to the bone! The arctic breeze ruffled the monstrosity's fur as a hair dryer would, inadvertently causing plenty of blades and arrows to fall from its scarred hide; relics from all those who foolishly tried to fell it!

The beast turned its gargantuan head, shielding it's weathered face from the cold... but a peculiar sight far below caught its eye. Well, not exactly peculiar; more like... familiar for all the wrong reasons. A lone dot stood on the trail before the monster, unflinching in the wind. Yet another idiotic warrior... The abomination's next opponent was clearly standing before... er, BENEATH it! Another roar quickly echoed across the landscape.

Standing down on the ground, a mere pebble compared to Mr. Monster, a woman adorned in armor stylized to resemble a fearsome dragon stood alone. She radiated a faint green glow which even the tall demon could glimpse, indicating the tremendous power she possessed. In her hand was a mighty lance, adorned with golden bells and the teeth of a demonic shark. Her eyes, colored purple, pierced the dark land with an intensity never felt before.

As the legends foretold, the mythical name of this Heroine was Green Heart.

"Vile cretin of the forsaken 'Blasted Lands™'! Prepare to face judgement from my trusty 'Demonic Lance'!"

The goddess lifted her blade and, in a solitary second, four wings sprang forth from her armor, their appearance not unlike that of a dragonfly's. She took flight as the beast entered its typical- if not routine- battle stance. A legendary battle was soon upon us!

She flew towards her opponent's head; she figured that its eyes, dangling freely in the air, were most certainly the weak point. Besides, tentacles always spelled trouble! She powered up her blade, imbuing it with a super-naturalistic white glow, and shot a regal power beam from the tip! It smashed squarely into several of the beast's tendrils, causing it to yell and extend its horns. One horn in particular shot a laser of its own, smashing into Green Heart! The majestic woman spiraled helplessly to the charred soil, unearthing a hefty amount of dirt!

Harmed, the storied CPU could barely stand. So, the tales all had been true: one blow was nearly enough to silence her well and truly! "Y-You are a formidable opponent i-indeed! H-However, y-your power is nowhere near enough to sway me!"

As she spoke, an entourage of three other legendary warriors, each adorned in similar armor pieces, charged forth from the dark on burning steeds of fire. "Lady Green Heart," one of the newcomers, clad in red, called out, "why are you challenging this beast alone?! It is impossible to fight it on your own, you imbecile! Do you wish for me to punish you...?"

Green Heart viewed the three warriors with a look of relief, swallowing her pride but this once. These three were fellow guild members she had fought with many times before, and perhaps the one in red was right: fighting alone was simply not going to cut it! "... V-Very well then... My friends, let us fight this monster together!"

The trio of warriors were well known throughout the land; they were, no doubt, the world's finest collection of goddesses! The first, Lady Red Heart, was Vert's right-hand woman more often than not. Green Heart and Red Heart never spent time together when away from adventuring, and thus they didn't even know each other's true names... but Red Heart's 'human' name was believed to be 'Sango'. Historians can only offer mere conjecture on the matter... Less shrouded was Lady Blue Heart's true identity: an honorable girl named Estelle. She joined the guild right around the time 'Sango' did, and was eager to show off her 'legendary' skills!

As for the third member... Well, she, er, never revealed her true name, nor her CPU handle; after a few weeks of skirting around the issue of coming up with an identifying title, she eventually stumbled on 'Soccer Heart' (her Status Update: "I-I'll make a better name soon, guys! R-Real quick, I promise!")!

United under one heroic goal, the four took flight together and swarmed the creature with greasy fast speed. Green Heart remained focused on the eyes, while the other three ladies scratched and clawed their way about the beast's titanic mortal coil. Mr. Monster-Beast roared and swiped with its tentacles, but couldn't connect with any of them due to their insane agility! Eventually, the beast eventually entered staggered status, and fell on one hoof.

"It is almost down! Come, all; let's finish this!"

The four legendary warriors flew to each other, joining up for an ultimate team-up special skill. It is said that when all four of them placed their weapons together, a powerful beam capable of matching the Devil's own strength would blast out and eviscerate anything in its path! With a chant, a heavenly light began to emanate from the blades... and sure enough, an incomprehensible amount of energy surged through their collective veins! They had this in the BAG!

... Unfortunately, they neglected to note the creature's boosted 'recovery' ability... and before they could unleash their finishing maneuver, the beast roared and produced one of its own from its eyes. Hmm... Well, to be more accurate, several hundred more; a last-ditch effort to defend itself indeed! The power of its lasers were second-to-none, to the point that the four CPUs felt the tremendous power already scorching their skin before it even shot out.

"O-Oh no! N-Not again!"

They all tried to retreat, realizing with sinking hearts their familiar mistake... but it was too late! Before long, our heroes evaporated within the creature's mighty blast!

 **SHIN MEGAMI MUSOU XTREME TRINITY 4-II VER.2**

 **PLAYER TEAM ROUTED- GAME OVER!**

 _ ***PLEASE TRY AGAIN! EVENT ENDS IN 16 HOURS!***_

...

With a twitch of the eye and a shake of the fist, Vert could only scream in frustration. She had been on this computer for nearly three days, and after all the work, all the grinding, all the pointless event quests... she still wasn't strong enough to take on the damn final boss! Even with a group of highly-skilled players, they were simply no match for that horrid eldritch abomination.

"Come on, how much more must I do? I got all the snowflakes, defeated God knows how many Elf Dragons... Heck, I even collected the rare Kringle Cane of Marketable Death! No one does that! I... ugh!"

She slammed her fist on the desk, fury raging within her bones as she peered at the screen. The "16 Hours" message blinked incessantly, as if its worth was ten times that of her entire Basilicom were it to ever wind up on the housing black market. It was so tantalizing, a glorious sigil that forced her to gaze upon it with utter splendor and want; that time limit begged her to continue on, for the deadline was quickly approaching!

It was the bane of any MMORPG, especially a hardcore one such as this... In all honesty, she wanted to get away from this game and enjoy the grandness that is Christmas Eve. It was not uncommon for the CPU to play games three days (or more... Yeah, usually more) non-stop by any means... but for holidays, she tried to limit it...

... But of course, with every Holiday came another event. Most of the time she succeeded early on and could turn it off, but this one was truly testing her patience. "... I can't give in!" she murmured to herself. "I need to slay that boss before it's too late. I still have time!"

With that, she slammed the laughing continue button as hard as she could, beginning her quest against the final boss once more. That terrible monster-beast needed to fall, by her hand... Only then could she find peace on Christmas Eve. It WAS only morning... There was still... time...

As she journeyed on to a blacksmith, the door to her rather humongous room suddenly smashed open, nearly breaking off of its hinges... and a young, beautifully-dressed woman entered the scene! The sound of the bang made the Goddess jump on pure survival instinct, but her engrossment in the game simply allowed her to shrug it off.

"Verty, Verty! Y-You didn't come down to breakfast again, s-so I brought up your favorite! I-I hope these pancakes are as plump and fluffy as your... lovely, blissful face!" the young woman gleamed, her eyes all aflutter. She placed the plate of food down upon a table, straightening out the dress upon her countenance. It was quite the wear; one that would be expected upon a royal daughter's figure, with a red so poignant, it couldn't be helped if you were suddenly stricken dead by its beauty.

Vert finally turned thanks to the voice of her closest companion, though not yet registering someone had even entered her room... and sure enough, the loving voice belonged to none other than her personal Oracle of Leanbox, Chika Hakozaki.

Chika usually barged into the CPU's room unannounced (though this time she didn't slam into anything, thank heavens), never being one to read the "Please think twice before walking in on a Goddess" sign right outside the door... Actually, and this is being completely truthful here, the energetic Oracle was practically unaware of the meaning of knocking, happily intruding on everyone's privacy without a care in the world...

Either way... On most days, the CPU would be happy to see her honorary sister, but right now, she was just too distracted by this game that she merely returned to the computer in no time.

Chika, meanwhile, found it hard to decipher when her lady was giving her the cold shoulder, and decided to leap towards her. Closer now than before, she managed to glimpse the game with her own two eyes, observing a godly warrior styled like the goddess herself whacking some sort of pig monster... Needless to say, it seemed... interesting, at least... Meh, there was probably some strange charm to it. "... So, uh, Verty-poo... is that event still going on? Isn't it, like, a law or something to not have an event take place around the holidays?" She placed a finger upon her chin as the CPU smashed her poor little mouse, whispering an obscenity towards the cute-yet-creepy monster. "Yeah, pretty sure it is... I think I made that law, actually!"

A few seconds passed before Vert finally snapped her attention away from the game, turning her head now to the rather-close Oracle. What's personal space? "Oh, Chika, you're still here! Sorry, didn't hear you!" Her eyes then trailed over to her breakfast... and she smiled, but not before her hands returned to the keyboard. "Why, that looks wonderful! I don't know what I'd do without you in my life!"

Chika's entire statement about laws went in one ear and out the other apparently (if it even made it that far), but the Oracle was just so happy to hear her CPU say such things that she frankly didn't give a hoot! She quickly skipped over to her delicious breakfast meal and grabbed the plate (even though the CPU was just about there already), eager to personally hand it to the woman she so adored! With a bow of gratitude, Vert took hold of the plate, set it down by her mousepad... and went back to the computer.

Certainly not the desired reaction... Still, Chika was undeterred! The bubbly professional next slowly sauntered to and fro, looking quite sheepish as she seeked her love's undying attention. "So, um, Verty-poo... I was thinking that, y'know, it's the night before Christmas..." She waved her hand over her very revealing outfit; a gesture to show off her fanciful red dress.

Vert's in-game avatar fell in battle after a dogoo clipped her with a highly-potent 'Fwack!' spell. "Oh, THAT is cheap right there! He couldn't have caused that much damage! Ugh, who coded this? I'VE made better games in my SLEEP! They will be hearing about this in a VERY angry letter..."

The Oracle continued regardless, inching ever so closer. "... Maybe the two of us, Goddess and Oracle, can, y'know..." She had no idea why she got cold feet whenever asking questions to her beloved lady, as they pretty much shared everything together on a normal basis... but how could she not?! Leanbox's goddess was perfect in absolutely every way! It would be impossible NOT to become enamored from the very hint of her body catching her eye! However, if she wanted to get things done... she had to snap out of it! She was so close now! "... hang out tonight?"

She placed her hands behind her back, at this point practically leaning her chin on Vert's shoulder. The Goddess, meanwhile, paid the mandatory gold fee to revive her character and promptly dispatched the dastardly creature. "Hah! May your family rue the day I, Lady Green Heart, trampled upon your unavailing soul!" So thrilled was the hardcore gamer that she raised both her fists high up in the air, accidentally bonking the Oracle in the nose.

Chika had no choice but to pull back, rubbing her aching snout. The pain was deeply symbolic, it seemed... Chika was never the best at detecting her Lady giving her the cold shoulder treatment on any usual day, but she could at least spot it whenever it was so damn obvious. "... Hey Verty, are you... even listening?" She could never get ticked off at her CPU... but damn it, sometimes the urge to snap was maddening! She was practically a volcano ready to burst!... But amen (or, is it alas?), she didn't.

It appeared her self-control had paid off, for Vert turned around to face her, once again looking surprised. "O-Oh my, I'm so sorry Chika! You really must speak up! I sometimes become so... engrossed, I tend to block the real world out!" Blocking the real world out was most certainly correct; why, the CPU's ditzy demeanor had long ago become public knowledge to the citizens of Leanbox! The fact that she could get so lost in a game that she paid no heed to her surroundings- or even her very body- had even become a most... 'profitable' concept for several aspiring 'doujinshi' makers of Gamindustri. Chika should know; she's purchased all of them, and even has a shrine dedicated to the... 'educational' smut.

Either way, this was all one of Vert's 'cute' shticks; the kind of thing that keeps us all from being perfect... but separates us from mindless, compliant machines. So adorable... to anyone but Chika at the moment! The Oracle puffed out her cheek, making Vert wince; she'd seen this face before... and it was never a good one to behold.

Luckily, Chika held back whatever angry spiel she was about to unleash, showing more restraint than perhaps ever before in her life! Instead, she immediately caught herself and went back to groveling, feeling even guiltier now that she nearly snapped at her one true love. "... N-No, I'm the s-sorry one, Vert! I-I shouldn't have d-disturbed you!" She took a deep breath, allowing her mind to cool back down. "... W-What I was saying was... uh... do ya maybe want to, eh, do... something... today? Yeah, today! Together? Us two? It's Christmas Eve, after all... Still early, too, so maybe we could have... fun? A-All day? Hmm?" Smooth.

The goddess's face lit up at the proposal, and for a moment Chika thought that a date, no matter how small, was soon to be upon them! How grand would it be to celebrate the holiday season with the one she most cherished? Many of the years before had ended with enough disappointment to give her a fear of rejection... but those days were no more! If all went well, the old Oracle would finally- FINALLY!- seal the deal with her loved one... and their lives would be all the better come tomorrow! Oh, what a sight to behold!

... But as quickly as the light had brightened Vert's face, a frown developed just as fast. Green Heart's computer emitted a soft chime, signalling that a new message had arrived in her inbox. Robotically, she slowly inched her head back to the game and clicked the mail icon in the corner, and predictably found that her allies were about to embark on the final mission of the event quest-line de novo. Her face dimmed further as she looked back at the countdown clock; so many hours, yet so little time.

Chika's happiness began to fade as well, as her heart of hearts sensed what was about to happen. Vert hesitated, and her shoulders tensed. Here it comes. "... Um, w-we will Chika, we will!" she stated quickly... before quickly accepting the invitation to retry the 3-hour-long dungeon. "J-Just give me a little bit, all right? I'm... SO close to finishing this blasted event! We'll get it this time, I know we will!"

The breakfast, the one Chika worked so hard on, had yet to be touched- the Oracle could certainly relate- and her own red dress appeared to be quite useless now. Vert did promise to be done in a "little bit"... but thanks to experience, she knew that really meant there'd be no parading around the city with her beloved. A defeated sigh escaped her lips; she wanted to say something more, but that might've put their entire relationship as a whole at risk! If she got Vert angry... how could she ever live with herself?

"Um... o-okay, Vert... Call me when you're... ready..."

And with that, she skulked out of the room, leaving the goddess to her own sad devices. She shut the door as quietly as possible, perhaps hoping to become a silent and invisible ghost... but alas, no such luck. A solemn look ate up her face, as although this was the typical way things played out, there's only so much disappointment one soul could take. Another year, another sad case of rejection... What the hell could she do now?

"... Stupid law... Those things never work..."

* * *

Around the same time, and in the very same Basilicom, Loyal SMD warrior Cave sat alone in the designated "Tree Room", watching TV and wondering when it would snow. Not that she had the heart of a child and wished for the cold white powder to freeze over the streets and force her to shovel the MASSIVE yard of the castle... but moreso because her dear friend Lyrica simply loved the snow, and when the pop idol was happy... Cave was happy. That's not to say the season in general wasn't worth her interest; even the stoic Leanbox enforcer could appreciate the cheery charm of Christmas Eve. The brightness of the early morn prevented the tree from being lit, but she honestly didn't mind; it WAS the day before the 'Big One' anyways, so the plastic symbol of the holidays should rest up while it still could.

Relaxing on a rather plump couch in the back of the room, Cave tried to enjoy whatever Christmas special was on TV at the moment. It apparently starred hand-puppet versions of all the ASIC members she... had more than a few encounters with in the past:

 _"Yay! I can't believe we survived the Candidates' all-out attack, Ma'am!... Ma'am?... Maaaaaa'aaaaaam?"_

It wasn't working out for her.

She sighed on cue with the arrival of two souls, both whom happened to walk into the room! "Yo Cave, still watching this cr- er, stuff?" the first girl, decked with brunette hair and a coat that quite simply looked far too silly on her, decided to chime in. The strange sensation of actually hearing a voice not from the godawful show caused the warrior to jump up in surprise. While she didn't express it, she was thankful for the distraction... Dear Lord, was she thankful! She speedily shifted her head towards the voice's origin... and was relieved to recognize IF, Gamindustri's battle-hardened veteran! Thank goodness the television special hadn't rendered the red-haired soldier brain-dead!

Cave kept her face as blank as possible, though a pink embarrassed blush threatened to darken on her cheeks. "O-Oh, IF... I-I'm not really... paying attention to it. Just... just frittering away the time, I... suppose."

IF nodded her head, sweat-drop in full view for all (read: no one else?) to see... when her partner, the lovely idol Lyrica, followed suit into the parlor. Like Cave before her, she was immediately transfixed on the show; it was now showing a sock-puppet Brave conversing with a sock-puppet Uni (of Lastation fame)! Aaaaaaaaand... there went Brave's left eye. "... I still can't believe I guest-starred in this..." Lyrica mumbled, ashamedly looking down.

Was it the money? Did she need community service hours? Did it get her off of jury duty? These are all questions that swirled through the SMD warrior's head. No answer made a lick of sense! Or... it made TOO much sense; far too much for it to apply to the wacky land of Leanbox!

... Breaking out of the stranglehold the film had wrapped her in, the idol blocked out the film and looked at her friend on the sofa, feeling... sort of bad for her in a way. Just by looking at Cave's relaxed posture, she could tell that... she had no plans for this magical day. "... So, Cave! IF and I are heading out! A-Are you doing anything special?"

Cave shrugged. She never did anything 'fun' most of the time... It was simply not in her nature... Still didn't make her feel any less guilty whenever she said those kind of things to the beautiful pop-star. It always felt like she was letting her down. "... Eh, not really. It's pretty much just... me for the day... H-Have fun, by the way!" Cave was curious about WHAT the star couple of Leanbox was going to do today... but decided against asking it, because of course. The two were perfect together, and she felt that asking anything would be intruding on their flawless harmony. Thus, she simply reclined on the sofa, fully accepting her fate.

IF chuckled at her relaxed friend. The brunette was wiser than perhaps she let on, and could tell when Cave was trying to act... cool. It was kinda adorable to witness, in a way, but her stubbornness would usually make talking rough. "... Well, if ya say so," the brunette replied with her usual corny grin. She prepared a follow-up sentence, but noticed Lyrica slip into frame on the television... and so she quickly pulled her lover by her side to make the save! Sweetness, she thought as she mentally pat herself on the back... A-Anyways, she needed to get back on track with Cave! The Qatar-wielder scanned her eyes out the window, and noted that while clouds were starting to form, any possibility of snow happening would most likely be much, much later on. "... Y'know, I think you should have some fun today, Cave! As in, outside fun! Not cooped up in here watchin'... I-It's nice out, and Christmas only comes once a year, yeah? Then don't waste it! It's a magical time for all!"

Lyrica couldn't agree more. "Yeah Cavey, I don't like the thought of you being all alone in here watching..." She accidentally glanced at the TV, and witnessed herself awkwardly interacting with those awful props the set designers thought were perfect, genius, AND a little bit artsy... Needless to say she quickly went quiet and solemn, as if her soul just crashed worse than an author's crappy computer, leaving an incredibly-guilty IF to pick up the slack.

"Y-Yeah, me neither... You worked so hard this year... hell, EVERY year, so you really should head out to town and see what the world has to offer! The whole thingamabob is your oyster, or, er, something like that... Just, you know, stay away from the stores and all, and you'll be fine!"

Cave looked at them, honestly lost in thought on what she should say. She was greatly self-conscious, moreso now than just a few minutes earlier. All eyes were on her, it felt... What could she say so as to not disappoint her audience? "I... don't know... Going out isn't particularly..." she trailed off, awkwardly blanking.

"... F-Fwuh?" Lyrica gurgled, finally snapping out of her transfixed state and chimed in, her concern for one of her closest companions clearly paramount! "... O-Oh, s-sorry... B-But don't be like that, Cave! Why... Hmm, w-why don't you c-come with IF and I? I'm sure tha-" IF softly jabs her elbow into the pop idol's side, the brunette wearing a smile that looked TOO easy-going. "O-Oh yeah, o-our room i- I mean, our S-SEATS! W-We o-only have two SEATS booked..." Smooth operator for sure... That's the beauty of 5pb, though. "... S-Still, I-I'm sure you can find something fun to do on your own!"

A teasing glint surfaced in the red-haired warrior's eye. "... So, what ARE you two planning for today, anyways?" The savage!

"O-Oh, u-uhm... W-Well, we're going off to Gargan for a private, ahum, thing..." Red-faced... She always looked so cute and pure, even when hinting at... non-innocent activities. "... N-Not that we would mind you coming with us, but..."

Cave waves her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that, Lyrica... You two should have a great time together. I'll... I don't know, if I think of something, I'll do it, I guess."

"That's the spirit, Cave!" IF chimed in, a relieved sweat painting her forehead. She REALLY did not want a third-wheel, pardon the term, to... interfere with tonight's agenda. The red-haired warrior couldn't be sure... but she could just make out a small box-shaped outline inside one of the brunette's jacket pockets. "Just let loose! It's better than watching... well, anything is honestly better than watching the crud they put on TV!"

Cave couldn't stifle a laugh, which she quickly suppressed... but the damage had been done, and the other two began to chuckle as well (though Lyrica had more pain in hers, causing her girlfriend to hold her tight).

The SMD warrior had to admit that sitting down for the Eve of Christmas was... yeah, pretty depressing. However, she did have one problem that IF and the idol did not consider...

She was alone. She could ONLY be alone... What was the sense in her running off to the world outside these walls on a day such as this, where partners most found joy?

 _'Brrrrrraaaaaaaaiiiiiiigggggg!'_ A peculiar alarm sounded off on IF's phone, causing the stoic red-haired warrior to nearly jump right into the tree. The brunette and blue-haired idol, meanwhile, didn't even flinch. "Woah, we're running late, Fivey!"

The idol nodded, and she quickly placed a tender hand upon Cave's shoulder. "Guess we better go! Please have a great time today, Cave. You really do deserve it!"

The gentleness of her voice made the SMD warrior feel slightly envious... but she pushed those thoughts aside and instead embraced the calming sensations coursing through her veins. "... Thank you, Lyrica... I-I will! I... promise!"

With that, the prized couple of Leanbox went on out, saying their goodbyes as they made their trek towards Gargan City. With their leave came seclusion once more, and Cave's mind wandered back to her solitude. Did she... actually want to spend time with someone today? She'd long come to terms with the fact that companionship... just wasn't her specialized cup of tea. Today, however, loneliness was winning out, as was the desire to meaningfully spend the holidays. Sure, if she was so desperate to do ANYTHING, she could just wander the streets by herself... but who really wants to be seen alone on Christmas? Well, at least among those who celebrate it? She felt cold already, and being alone outside right now would not be pleasant in any way. What a dilemma... Cave had never felt this forsaken by human interaction, and she had been through some AWFUL rough-patches before...

Thus, until some sort of idea sprang in mind, she had to accept (read: succumb to) watching the special once more:

 _"Gee-golly willickers, I sure want to rest on Compa's bosom, chump~"_

 _"But Pirachu, Compa isn't even IN this special!"_

 _"... I'll show YOU a SPECIA-"  
_

Lord have mercy.

...

About five minutes later, Chika came storming down to the Tree room, fuming over the whole incident with Vert. It seemed that every year, no matter how much she did to get prepared or get noticed, she always failed in getting her Lady's attention. She loved the woman very much, both in a sisterly way and... well, you know... but sometimes she had to admit that the Goddess got on her nerves! Especially during the holidays, no less!

The normally-bubbly oracle knew Cave was watching TV (a sort of sixth-sense only close friends could understand), so she decided that if someone had to hear her lamentations, her closest friend in the universe (and beyond!) would be the one. She smashed the door wide open, kicking with far too much intensity for a holiday-themed story... though that act of violence wasn't enough to pry Cave's attention away from the horrid special. Unable to achieve the desired reaction, the Oracle took a deep breath...

... BEFORE SHOUTING! "She did it AGAIN! A-GAIN! I even stuffed my bra, did her laundry, AND made the pancakes right this time... and I got stood up AGAIN! Ugh!"

Cave finally turned to see the scantily-clad professional barely keeping a nuclear explosion from going off in her head. "... What happened now? Another event or something?" Cave wasn't stupid.

The Oracle nodded furiously, as if her head was just about to pop off. Oh, wait, the 'nuclear explosion' line was better... Using her hand to hastily straighten out a crinkle in her dashing red dress, Chika quickly sat down with a pout, squeezing herself right beside the SMD warrior. "It's always an event, Cave! Every single time I want to be with her, that stupid game has to come up with another stupid excuse to keep her away from me! I hate it!"

"Really? About two months ago, you couldn't stop gushing over it."

"No, no, that was the butler game I was gushing over. This is that Xtreme Musou... Trinity... 4-II... Ah, I don't even care to remember! It's that crummy multiplayer 'knock-off' of the games we play to grind Accolades! It's stupid and boring and... a-and stupid!"

Cave didn't really know what to say to that, so she just stayed quiet; whenever Chika was fired up, it was best to let her get it all out. Less funeral expenses. Thus, the Oracle went on... and on. "I mean, who cares about the events, anyways? They barely offer anything useful, and they just serve as an excuse to pay money for items that are prolly only useful for that event in the first place! And it's not even one of those N*taku games or anything, so she's not getting any AO-rated 'goods'... Seriously, what the hell does she see in that game that she doesn't see in me?!"

The rarely-seen teasing side of Cave had so many comebacks for every single segment of that quote, but she desired to keep Chika from getting angrier. "Eh, you know her. Once she sees a prize, she won't stop until she gets it... I really don't see the appeal myself. Such meaningless drivel..."

Chika slumped back into the sofa, anger prevalent on her face... and the SMD warrior could sense she was holding back tears. She knew Chika for years; since they were young, in fact! Man, the stories you could tell about their youthful years together could fill an entire category on a website! "This is like, what, the gajillionth time she's ignored me? I'm getting sick of it! I hate being alone during special days, ESPECIALLY Christmas! When the best we've done together is ride in some horse-drawn carriage through a blizzard, and she spent every second talking about white-and-brown-haired brothers getting naughty... Well, ptooey on her!" She folded her arms like a child, though Cave couldn't really blame her for acting in such a way; after all, who wouldn't hate to be left in the lurch so frequently? Hell, the stylish soldier already COULD sympathize with being alone, considering her own situation.

Still, Cave knew she should play the role of the peacekeeper; Vert WAS her Lady too! "Come on, don't say that! You two... must have made some other great holiday memories together, right?"

The Oracle glared at her best friend. "Ha, yeah! And Blanc and Kei are planning to adopt a kid together! Lemme tell ya all about the 'memories' we made..."

 _VALENTINE'S DAY, 20XX_

 _"Verty-poo~ I bought some funky new underwear you'll enjoy! I'll give you a hint: you won't need to buy desert during our daaaaaa-te~"_

 _"Sorry, Chika, but the Chocolate Vending Machines are out of control! I must save the village from the extra Calories and sodium intake before it's too late. Victory in the event will grant my entire party a set of butler-themed High-Cut Armor!"_

 _LEANBOX DAY OF FREEDOM, 20XX_

 _"Verty-poo~ We can make a real scene if we're seen holding hands in public! The people might even turn a blind eye to the increase on taxes!"_

 _"Sorry, Chika, but the Yellow Bandanas have struck OsaOkeHonnoSekiKyuOshuGawa! I must save the land from the magic-wielding rebels! Permanent +2 Fire Resistance Buff! This time it's personal!"_

 _FIRST ANNUAL 'MAKE SWEET LOVE TO YOUR ORACLE' DAY, 20XX_

 _"Verty-poo~ You may never have heard of it, but today is apparently 'Make Sweet Love To Your Oracle' Day! Now, I promised I was saving myself for marriage... but if it's you, AND for our nation, then..."_

 _"Sorry, Chika, but the Rock Mastery Bastard is Bastardizing_ _™ my crop fields! If I overcome his suspiciously-erotic trials, I will acquire the ultimate lance lubricant, 'PHALLONIUS SINNBILD'! Perhaps another time?"_

 _"Yeah, big shock there..."_

"SEE?!"

Cave nodded to herself. "You... do have a point, I suppose..." Not much more she could say to that.

The two quickly fell quiet, the depressed Oracle fighting whatever internal battle she was forced to endure... and the television special mercifully came to a close. Cave cringed at the thought of another feature presentation of the same quality playing, so she had to think of something to do right that instant! Her friend was busy lamenting to herself, so she was out of the question in terms of help.

Unless...

A simple thought entered the mind of Cave at the exact moment a homogeneous one entered Chika's. The poor Oracle had spent the whole past night preparing for her ill-fated date with Vert, and she even got all spruced up early this very morning! Sure, it was just a simple red dress, but that was still something she took quite some time to prep! An Oracle must ALWAYS look her best for her goddess... but what did she have to show for it?! If she exerted all that effort in getting ready for a date, then damn it all, she was going to date someone!

Cave, while not as prepared for... well, anything fit for going out on the town, had similar sentiments. Not so much that she was geared up for a date, but... she simply secretly wished for someone to accompany her throughout the long day. Why... was she feeling this way? Such foolishness... Her unusual mindset had ultimately defeated her!

"... So Cavey, wanna hang out?"

"... Yeah, sure."

* * *

The beautiful morn soon transitioned to noon as the two friends partook to the city outside. As IF warned, every street with a store, no matter how small or barren, had a crowd of nearly thousands, desperately trying to purchase gifts that they put off for far too long. It was nearly impossible to find a place that could be considered peaceful... but it strangely didn't seem to bother the two of them.

"Jeez, just look at that!" Chika proclaimed, a hand pointing towards a line that stretched nearly five blocks over. Cave had no idea how people could be in such urgent need to buy simple commercial desires... and when she looked at a window of one of the crowded stores, she still had no clue; the only thing that was advertised was a new doll of Vert, with the eye color completely incorrect. The Oracle, of course, was none too please. "If you're going to sell a doll that exploits her beautiful visage, you can't make mistakes like that! I should make THAT a law!"

The two continued on their journey, and as they maneuvered through the thicket of irresponsible shoppers, they found themselves growing just a tad cynical. "It's weird. Why do they always wait until Christmas Eve? Such unavailing futility..." the SMD warrior commented, pushing aside a rather gigantic group of people dawdling over how great their pet dogoos would look with a set of new designer sweaters. "Bunch of... idiots."

The Oracle made a sudden huff. "That Verty-poo doll was pathetic, but to say that ALL last-minute shopping is... er, whatever you said? And IDIOTS? Tsk tsk tsk... You're not as wise as you seem, Cavey! Seriously, you need to get out more. Like, a lot more!" Spoken with a smarmy smile...

This response drew a profound eyebrow-raise from her best friend. "'Me' get out more?! Ha, look who's talking!"

"Hey, I leave the Basilicom every day! An Oracle always needs to keep up on the latest fashions, y'know? Anyways... Hmm, what was I about to say before?" The bubbly official playfully bonked her head a couple times. "... See whatcha did, Cavey? You made me lose my train of thought! Ya clouded my mind, distracted me with your wiles and big words... Oh yeah, about the last-minute shopping thing! People are always like that! It's the thrill of the hunt, Cave-baby! When you see so many people trying to buy one thing, you get, y'know, competitive! Waiting 'til the last possible moment just gets your heart a-thumpin'!"

Cave could only sigh at that sentiment. "... Either that, or it's just simple procrastination."

Chika was quiet for a moment... before saying "... Yeah, there's that, too..." in response. Huh... Sure, it was all in jest anyways, but she dropped that quite fast... Is she feeling alright? Oh no... Did the stylish loner screw up? She was never good at responding to humor or anything of the sort... It sucked having such a straight-laced mind.

They walked on further, past more rushing fools... and not a single word was uttered. In fact, Cave would almost hazard the guess that Chika looked... confused, maybe? Concerned? Oh, if only she could decipher emotions as well as she could fight!

... As they still wondered what on Gamindustri they could do, a simple... hmm, rumble quaked within the red-haired warrior's stomach. W-What the...?! A blush darkened her face, and she hoped beyond hope that her friend hadn't heard. It seemed that, during her 'eventful' morning of watching that... thing on TV, Cave had forgotten to eat the most important meal of the day! How careless of her... Now, she was paying the woeful price! She already was feeling like an outcast among the shoppers of Leanbox, and embarrassing sounds from her belly were certainly not going to sooth her nerv-

"Hey... Uh, Cavey?"

"... Hm?"

The Oracle wore a sheepish grin while pointing to her own belly. Apparently Cave's stomach wasn't the only thing giving off a cry for food. "You, y'know... want to grab a bite somewhere? Heh? Heh heh?... Heh?" Seems she had also starved herself, using all her energy to make Vert a breakfast the goddess wouldn't touch for hours, if at all.

How... convenient. That's, what, twice now that the two friends had shared the same desires in a single day? Cave felt somewhat relieved, oddly happy even... but she answered as terse as always. "... If you insist." Shrugging, Cave led the way through the throngs of consumers, progressing not unlike a hunter through the jungle. Much more predators here, though.

* * *

It took nearly thirty minutes, but thanks in no small part to the miracle of the season, the two lonely friends found a rather quaint place near the Gigantic Royal National Supreme Grand Park of All Provinces of Leanbox (Blame Chika for that name, not the teller of this tale). Such a small eatery too... Simplistic, sure, but considering how no one was hogging it, it was better than the hellish wasteland of the main city! Er... or was it: the food, now that it was in their hands, looked awfully... abominable.

Out of courtesy (with a slight hint of shame), Cave paid for the whole thing (though Chika could've at least looked down and noticed the Charity Box for the organization she herself helped form, the "Lost Tome Souls Relief Fund"), and the two found a clean table to sit. It was surprisingly warm this holiday season, so there was no problem in eating outside. So unusually warm... Seems snow wouldn't grace the land this Christmas Eve.

It was rather peaceful near the park, with the only sound aside from the wind in the trees being some far off radios that just had to blare out whatever holiday special they damned the world with:

 _"Najica... I'm sorry about burning down the oven. Are you going to scrap Lila now?"_

 _"*sigh*... It's fine, Lila... I'm just glad you are safe."_

 _SLAM! "I-I'm back with the spare potatoes! Microwavable granted, but not much choice there... Still, I-I hope you like it!"_

 _"Thank you, Kirala; you saved our Christmas!"_

 _"N-No, I just... A-Anything for you, M-Miss Najica!"_

Still innovating everyday.

"..." Ever since the initial sense of wonder their lark encouraged had waned, Chika had fallen oddly quiet, and Cave sensed awkwardness rearing its ugly head. The two were childhood friends; why was it so hard to strike a conversation? Cursed antisocial tendencies... The SMD warrior was a cliche fish out of water... though, she was more like a fish out of water who didn't even have gills to begin with.

The Oracle lifted her head up for the sky, a look of longing in her eyes. Her soft, loving face was a pleasant sight from an outsider's perspective... but the loner of a warrior could sense the negativity within. "Chika...? Is... something wrong?" In an attempt to salvage her best friend's mood, she motioned for the strange pasta dish set before her. "I-I don't find the food to be... that... bad...!"

The usually-bubbly woman kept quiet for a few more seconds, before shrugging. "... It's not that... though this crap IS that bad... I don't know, Cave. I'm... thinkin' this was a mistake, coming out here... y'know?..."

W-What did THAT mean? "... How so?"

Chika thought for a moment, puffing out her left cheek. Not an act of malice, but more one of... resignation. "I'm just wasting yer time... I'm sorry. We're not gonna have any fun... Who'd want to hang out with... a loser like me?"

A knife suddenly sliced Cave's heart. "A loser...? Chika, this isn't like you... A-And hey, I-I'm having fun!"

The professional shook her head. "No you're not, I can tell these kind of things! I can't blame ya, either..." The Oracle brought up her thumb to bite her nail, but the SMD warrior quickly pulled her hand away. Regardless, the troubled girl continued. "I had this whole romantic date with Verty planned... but she thinks that game's so much more fun than I am! Guess it is... I can't compete with electronic joy!"

It hurt to hear her friend say these things, it really did... yet Cave struggled to find the right words to say. "D-Don't blame yourself for Vert's... quirks. You're a great woman, Chika, and she knows it too... She just, erm, doesn't know how to appreciate you in a way us mortals can understand."

Her (very) poor attempt at humor(?) drew appropriately no response from the Oracle, who quickly went back to reciting her inner musings. "Maybe we should just go home... I don't want to bore anyone else for the rest of the day..." She began to rise from her seat... when Cave suddenly grabbed hold of her thin arm.

Face turned low so Chika could not see her face, the red-haired soldier spoke. "SIT, Chika!" The sudden raise in her voice shocked the saddened girl enough to widen her eyes and make her comply without struggle. "Talking like this will accomplish NOTHING! Besides, you are simply prattling on and on about falsehoods... I WANT to be with you!" A pause, before her cheeks turned red with realization. "... T-Today!"

Chika raised an unconvinced eyebrow as she looked into her best friend's eyes. "You don't have to lie to me, Cavey... Not even Vert wants me around, so it's only logical that I'd annoy you."

Oh no... This was exactly what she had feared; Cave's normal demeanor was being completely misunderstood! Chika was assuming that her aloof personality was a sign of irritation! "D-Damn it, stop that! You are FINE, Chika!" The Leanbox official opened her mouth, but Cave continued in order to stop her. "Vert loves you, she really does! She's just... not good with matters of the heart. Or with people in general, I... suppose..." Like Cave herself...

The Oracle scrunched her lips; a surefire way to tell she's a-thinkin'! A breeze passed by, and she tugged on her red dress to straighten it out. "... Ya think so? You're not just sayin' that, are ya? You're not, right?!"

The stylish enforcer smiled. "I only speak the truth, you know that!... H-Heh, r-remember that pizza delivery girl from way back when?"

"... Teehee... Yeah, Verty totally scored her number entirely by accident, all because she dropped the tip and bent down to pick it up! Dah, Verty-poo's so cute; she didn't know what had happened at all~... Huh, guess she can be totally clueless!"

Seeing a cheery glow return to her best friend's face brought an indescribable... joy to Cave's soul. The Oracle looked simply magical when she smiled so innocently... "Told you..." A strong, but gentle, hand clasped Chika's slim shoulder. "... So how about it, then? Let us toss aside this... self-scorning crap... and how about you and I have some... fun? I'm no Vert... but I'll happily be your... replacement date."

Chika seemed quite taken aback; there was a certain intensity in Cave's stare that... she couldn't shake off. Tears threatened to leak from her eyes... No, don't cry, dangit! "... You'd really... do that for me? You really want to be with me?"

"... ONLY you."

The Oracle was silent for a moment or two (what else is new?)... before springing up like a erupting volcano unleashing molten magma upon the helpless land, devouring everything in its path... or, er, like a spring. The red-headed soldier of Leanbox was confused by her sudden movement, and for a tad second she feared that perhaps she said something wrong, or went a tad too far. Did a slap await her, or some coarse words, or mayhap even nothing at all? Did she cross the line of their friendshi-... Oh, Chika suddenly drew her into a tight hug!...? It was filled with warmth and a type of reassuring happiness Cave didn't even think existed. Without a moment's hesitation, she returned the embrace, wanting to hold it for as long as time allowed. Geez, WHAT had gotten into her today?!

"Cavey..." the Oracle cooed amidst the hug, "... thanks... Y-You're stupid, an idiot, and really stupid... but uh, but you really know how to cheer me up..." Her voice started out shaky, and got progressively more hesitant as she spoke. Wow... embarrassment sure didn't fit her M.O! The soldier was shocked, quite frankly, at how sincere her friend's words sounded, at least compared to how she normally spoke. It was a soothing tone that actually made her own soul feel more and more comfortable by the second. What... did she have to fear? What was wrong with... opening up and exposing some humanity? Being a loner didn't mean you couldn't care for someone. "... Wow, today turned sappy fast, eh? Sorry to dump all that on ya with no warning... Guess I'm a stupid idiot too."

"... Nothing wrong with being idiots, is there? I'd rather be an idiot with you... than with someone I didn't love." What the?! "... D-Don't take that the wrong... y-y'know!" Why on Gamindustri were THOSE the words that came from her mouth? Idiot IS the perfect word for her...

Chika blushed, but the hug continued, the two unable to see each other's faces. "Ahhhh... You're way too cute, Cavey... Always tryin' to look so cool... but you're really one of the biggest dweebs on Leanbox~"

"A-A dweeb?! I-I repudiate your claim! R-Rescind your accusation at once!"

"Teehee!~"

... The hold persisted, but another cold chill snapped the two companions back to reality. This embrace was nice... but they still had the day in front of them! The two eventually pulled apart, and Cave cleared her throat, keeping her face turned away to hide the crimson mark of shame. "... So, for our date... where would you like to begin?"

In response to the question, Chika made peculiar faces with her lips, trying to make the stoic woman laugh. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Ooh, ooh! Can we... Can we see Santa?!

"... You have got to be kidding."

"Nuh-uh! Santa's awesome! It's our date, so you better gimme what I want!~"

"... What have I gotten myself into..." the SMD warrior moaned... but for all the whining she may do on the outside, she was happy to oblige. Just relax and make today memorable... That was Cave's goal. For a single day... don't be the terse, antisocial fighter, but instead be Chika's best friend. It'd be okay to let her guard down for once...

The Oracle offered her hand... and the stylish veteran took hold without any dubious fear. Together, the 'couple' walked on, back into the bustling city.

"Oh snap! I didn't finish my food... Aw, who am I kidding?! This place sucks!"

* * *

It was closing in on the evening hour, with the crowds finally beginning to die down. Either everyone got what they needed (and neglected to purchase on a reasonable date), or gave up and prayed that next year would be different. Shops began to close up for the holiday, and the lights hanging above the streets, adorned in every color mankind has discovered and then some, illuminated the way with a vigor only reserved for the most sacred of festivities.

For once, the streets mercifully fell rather quiet, a relief for both the Oracle and her friend. After lunch (if barely touching the awful food could be considered as such), the two seeked out everything they could in order to have fun. Unfortunately, everything they tried ended in failure... Kinda a bummer, eh?

The first course of action was to find "Santa"... which brought our fair maidens to a shopping mall. The wait would be.., incredible, as a line to sit on Kris Kringle's joyous lap was practically stretching all the way into Vert's favorite game store on the second floor... but Chika's childish side (as if there was any other side of her!) was on full display, and Cave was determined to please her however possible. This day only came once a year and all that trite jazz, right?

... However, they didn't actually have to stand for long... for they arrived just in time to see some brat rip his beard off. While a traumatizing scene for kids, no doubt, the red-haired soldier had a hard time not breaking out into brutal laughter.

Her partner had a... different reaction, though. "S-Santa's... fake?!" Chika cried, hands pressing against her cheek in absolute horror. Cave's eyes widened, and she inadvertently got ready to slap her... but the Oracle began waving her hand up and down. "Naaaaaah, just joshin' ya, Cavey... Though, I have heard that Santa IS real! Only, instead of a jolly old fat guy, he's actually a cute red-haired babe with sizable knockers!" A faux-realization dawned on the bubbly woman, and she followed up by immediately groping her friend's breasts! "W-Woah! Are you Santa, Cavey?!"

"C-Cut that out!" The slap, albeit a gentle one, did in fact follow... and the two both broke down into a mad fit of giggles and guffaws, holding each other so as to not fall down.

From there, the 'wonderful' frivolities only got worse. They stumbled upon an advertised Christmas caravan... but the wheels broke just as soon as they reached it ( _"Why'd they let that fat guy on? Of COURSE this would happen! Go rough 'em up, Cavey!" "Quiet, you!"_ )!

The two reckoned that, when in doubt, a movie could always help out! They checked out the premiere theater of Leanbox, wondering what monumental blockbuster they'd be able to witness... but everything was sold out save for a cruddy film about auto-tuned squeaky-voiced singing chipmunks (one of whom critics swear only spoke in anti-Planeptunian slurs)!

They took an offer to listen to some Christmas carolers for the simple fee of 500 credits... and one singer promptly grabbed the cash, reached into his pants, pulled out a pineapple, handed Cave said pineapple, and ran for the hills.

Oh yeah, and the inaugural 'Pin the Candy Cane on the Heretic'? Ugh, forget it.

So, in sum... this date had turned out to be an utter disaster on all conventional fronts... But, to be completely honest, although everything they looked to do ended in atomic (back to the bomb allusions?) failure, the dear friends could only keep laughing at their terrible luck! Their plans were screwed over every which way... but nothing could bring them down. Alone, this would have been disastrous enough to damper one's entire mood for the next year over... but the SMD warrior and Leanbox's grand Oracle brushed it all off. Simply being with each other provided all the fun they needed.

* * *

As the sun settled down on the horizon, the two friends continued their trek up a boulevard, still laughing at their misfortune. "I mean, you'd expect a reindogoo to be friendly, buuuut man, did you see how far he kicked that heckler?!" Chika couldn't help but ask in-between her giggles.

Cave found herself snickering alongside her. "Hey, he was asking for it! Why would anyone be foolish enough to try and yank his antlers? Of course it wouldn't end well!"

"Aha, kinda like someone poking yer boobs?"

"Haha... Cut it."

The two could barely suppress their laughter, to the point that a passerby even broke out into laughter for absolutely no reason. Kinda creepy when you think about it... but either way, their uncharacteristic cheerfulness (namely in Cave's case) was contagious!

However, as they passed under a "Leanbox's Lovely Jewelry Shop" (guess what they sell there? Whatever happened to creative marketing?), Chika suddenly stopped... before shooting her friend a sheepish smile. Cave was perplexed by the look, and absentmindedly moved her head around... and her eyes fell upon the jewelry shop's 'OPEN' sign. "Um, this is so, er, weird Cave, but... I kinda gotta... go." She pointed her finger towards the store, which... raised more than a few questions.

"... Hm, what? Wait, are you... planning to buy something here?"

"N-N-No, not that, Cavey! I have to 'go' as in... the little girl's room..." A blank stare greeted her. "... T-The bathroom, you dolt, geez! Don't make me say everyth-... Y-You think he'll let me use it?"

The SMD warrior was surprised, but relieved that her friend wasn't about to revert back to feeling guilty about the whole Lady Green Heart situation and thus spend all her money on some expensive ring or whatever else may catch her eye. "Um, I... guess so? I don't see why not. I mean, you ARE one of the most important people in this nation, after all," she replied, a smirk upon her lips.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"I-I mean, you're the damn Oracle! Of course you're important!"

Chika playfully shoved her, and quickly ran into the building, calling "Be out in a jiffy!" in the process. Cave watched as the Oracle spoke to the old man at the register, who looked like he was ready to disembark his work station any second. Oddly enough, he didn't seem to recognize the Oracle right in front of him... but he fortunately pointed to a back room despite the after-work hours, and Chika ran out of sight. Well, that's nice of him.

Patience is a virtue we could all do a better job embracing, so Cave waited calmly outside, watching the beautiful lights above her. Leanbox always looked especially plain in her humble opinion, but it took special exception for Christmas... and she had to admit that she was glad about that. She'd probably die of embarrassment should anyone find out... but she loved looking at the fairy lights and other assorted decorations. For whatever reason, it made her feel extremely warm inside, even when her exterior came across as so cold... Why, in her eyes at least, it was comparable to the feeling of a mother hugging her child! A mother Cave never had... The loved ones she never had...

... As she waited in the cold, and as the clock ticked on and on, the stylish loner gaped back into the building. Chika was still not back yet, and the man at the counter was now reading a newspaper (another Avenir scandal... What did Jade do now?), an annoyed grimace on his face. Cave subtly sneered at him through the window before properly scanning the contents of the store, squinting her eyes to see through the glass. She had to admit that the stuff for sale were well-crafted and beautiful; something that would be perfect to buy for a significant other! It was at moments like these where she was happy to not have one, lest she be tempted to actually walk in with her wallet in hand.

... Well, until she spotted one particular item that grasped her attention with an iron fist. A big, strong, shiny iron fist.

'Twas a necklace, located just under the window she peered through. It was a silvery-gold regal piece, glistening with every glint of illumination. The pendant that comprised the middle section was heart-shaped, and it appeared to be encrusted with a beautiful silver jewel. She had to admit, it had a tempting air about it.

Her mind wandered back to Chika; this was turning into a habit. Imagine if the Oracle were to wear this... Yes, it would be perfect for her! It had an almost-otherworldly beauty and charm to it... Grace, finesse, and allure, with juuuuuust enough innocence; just like her best friend!

Cave couldn't help but remember the conversation they both had back at lunch, and how bad a mood Chika had been in... She was worried that she wasn't good enough not only for Vert, but anyone! Maybe with a gift like this, she'd... be able to realize that there are people who love her wholeheartedly.

The woman pulled out her wallet... and swore to herself when she realized she was about to buy a gift on Christmas Eve. She was never one to appreciate irony...

Fishing through the contents, she realized that she had a large influx of credits; 25,000 to be exact! She... must not have paid any attention during lunch... To be frank, that had been the first time in awhile she actually shelled out cash from her own wallet; living in Leanbox's massive Basilicom sure had its perks! Enough to turn a homeless person into a spoiled brat... She questioned where she obtained so much moolah, as Chika would say... until she remembered that on her (umpteenth?) birthday, Lyrica gave it to her as a gift. She told Cave to treat herself to something nice; anything her heart desired!

Well, that certainly is more than she expected to have... but how much would this hypothetical purchase cost her? A quick scan of the price tag revealed an asking price of 23,420. Random... but within range!

... Would it be right to spend pretty much all of Lyrica's gift money on such a spontaneous idea? Perhaps... Lyree would understand? After all, her exact words were 'anything her heart desired'...

"Screw it," she muttered under her breath... before stepping right through the door, a small bell overhead greeting her with a soft ring.

She snuck over to the necklace, keeping an eye out for Chika's return, and took in the choker's utter flawless sheen. It looked even more beautiful up close... Yep, perfection. She gently picked it up, her hands shaking like a teen on prom night, and brought it over to the man. Without even asking him anything (she feared she'd be unable to utter a sound anyways), Cave quickly placed the money down next to her gift and wore the worst aloof face she ever mustered.

The store-owner finally lowered the paper after an agonizingly-long few seconds. His tired eyes attempted to decipher her intentions... but unlike Chika, he seemed to recognize her. How...?

"... You friends with that... 'Eye-Eff' lass?" His voice was extremely gravelly, and not what she anticipated from a royal place like this. That, along with the precise (if not poorly-enunciated) name-dropping, caused the SMD warrior's shoulders to tense up. "Er... yes? How did yo-"

"You were in a li'l snapshot she showed me, along with that... pop idol or whomever. She purchased a ring yesterday and wanted a custom engravin' on it... How'd she make out, anyhow?"

IF, here yesterday? "... I'll... have to ask her tomorrow... I guess."

The old man nodded, letting the... peculiar matter rest. "Okie-Dokie, then..." Cave wanted to ask for more information, but bit her tongue and waited for the clerk to continue. "Now then... Yer the sixteenth customer I had all day! So many children pushing thin's off til the last second... At least ya actually have the money..." He took the credits and stuffed them hastily inside his fanny pack, before folding his arms. "So... ya want me to gift-wrap this up? Offer's free tonight..."

"Yes. Green paper, if it's available."

"Green paper? Gee, how original..."

...

The order was swiftly finalized, and Cave left the store before Chika even realized her friend had stepped foot inside! Thus, the warrior found herself waiting yet again... but this time, her body felt that much warmer. She bought that expensive gift on such a whim... and she was worried that she liked the unfamiliar sensation of acting with her heart instead of her mind a little TOO much...

...

At long last, the energetic Oracle finally emerged, thanking the man as she bashed the door open. Mr. Store-owner simply waved, wearing his most hospitable face possible... but clearly yearning to leave himself.

Chika grinned, rubbing the back of her head like a cliche anime protagonist: you know the ones. Her... difference in appearance, while subtle, was not lost on her best friend: the Oracle's hair looked just a tad more kempt, her dress less ruffled, and her face seemed to hint at the careful adding of foundation. Did she... try to spruce herself up? Did she think she needed to? "Hehe, sorry for the wait, Cavey! My hair took soooo long to adjust back to slickity-slick perfection!"

Cave chuckled, hiding both the gift and her concern from view. "... 'Slickity-slick'? Your hair always looks fine, Chika... Besides, it's just hair; I'll never understand why you have to mess with it all the time."

"Hey, this takes some ma-AAAAjor work to pull off! Ask IF; she knows the horrors of getting the bow to sit just right! But, Verty-poo loves it... so it's all worth it in the end, eh?"

Again with bringing up Lady Green Heart... Anyways, guess she couldn't argue; Cave's pigtails always tried to resist against her signature 'MaiNurse' cap. Hair in Gamindustri was such a fickle thing...

Reunited, the two continued on, and soon passed by a park to their left. The lights shined so brightly in the dark that even the saddest cynic would have a hard time looking away. This rang especially true for Cave, who was still captivated by this new sensation within her. Her mind began fantasizing, the stylish girl wondering how it would be to walk under the majestically-lit path with someone like Chika... O-Okay, what the heck was she thinking?! She... must be sincerely screwed up in the head... but lo and behold, she truly imagined that brilliant image! That's all it should stay, however: a fantasy, locked away in the deepest recesses of her idiotic brain functions.

... But... maybe a walk in the park wouldn't be the worst course to take, would it? 'Twas getting late, so if they didn't stop here as a small detour, the two would probably just call it a night and end this 'date'...

... Cave wasn't ready to bid this evening adieu just yet. "... Hey Chika, do you... want to see the lights?"

The Oracle was confused at first, having become lost in her own internal reverie. "Hm? Whazzat?" Face blank, she turned to face Cave... and ended up seeing the park in question. She knew all about the assortment of lights there (a Leanbox tradition!), but this was the first time she ever really... well, gave them a good look. "... Oh, wooooooow... I never thought they looked so beautiful... Holy... cheese..." She had become as awestruck as a small(er) child.

The red-head couldn't help but stifle a laugh. What part of her friend WASN'T charming in some way? "Come... I'll be your... escort."

Wordlessly, the scantily-clad professional instantly complied, taking Cave's hand. Their sweaty palms bound together, the friends ventured forth...

* * *

As the sky darkened to pure night, the lights grew more and more in power. All the leaves upon the branches had left long ago, which only helped the overhead illumination, as the boughs above the two friends resembled all the stars in the universe coming in for a close up. Colors of white and gold dominated the scenery, but an occasional rainbow splash made everything so viscerally unique to look at. Just when you had things all figured out, something small yet charming would take you completely by surprise...

Meanwhile, the stars high in the heavens were quickly giving way to an impressive collection of clouds. Perhaps snow truly was fated to happen tonight? The chill in the air certainly was ramping up by the minute.

For the two friends, it wasn't a bother in the slightest.

They walked as slow as they could, soaking in the awe-inspiring splendor above them. Chika felt like the kid she never really grew up from, spinning about as she occasionally reached for a dangling bulb, feeling happy for whatever reason whenever she succeeded in grabbing one. Cave couldn't help but... be at peace seeing her friend's cheer. Walking together like this under the youth-restoring phosphorescence, the loyal Leanbox enforcer felt like she had nothing left to fear. The magic of the season, or something more?

"How could I have never come down here in my whole life, Cavey? I practically run the flippin' city, and I never even bothered to visit the park! Man, maybe I DO need to get out more!" the red-clad beauty said with a laugh. She twirled once, her dress blooming like a forbidden rose. Her awe was... quite infectious; why, it was threatening to consume the SMD warrior whole!

Speaking of, Cave kept silent as she watched her friend frolic around with nary a care nor concern. Why... couldn't she... look away? While the lights were enchanting, seeing Chika smile was siphoning the breath from her lungs. The red dress, the beautifully-done hair, the expressions... A far cry from the angry woman earlier in the morning, and the depressed one at lunch.

She looked like such an angel... no, a goddess! The fact that she wasn't a CPU was irrelevant; she was a goddess, no doubt about it! Perhaps she... always had been, even many moons ago when the two first met? If that was true... why had she chosen to become Cave's friend? She SHOULD be with Vert, not a mere mortal...

... Okay, something was seriously wrong! Why was Cave thinking this way about her FRIEND?! And... why couldn't she correct herself, and dismiss these thoughts as mere folly? Had all her years of playing the lone wolf finally driven her mad?

Our dear SMD warrior had never been in this state of mind before... and she was now more worried than ever of saying something wrong. The last thing she wanted was to ramp up the awkwardness (and dear boy howdy, was she good at that) and spoil what had been a surprisingly-charming day. 'Just stay calm', she kept telling herself. 'Stay calm... and rid your mind of these sinful thoughts!'

That was when, somewhere in the distance, a rather loud-yet-very-soothing Christmas-like instrumental began to ring through the park, echoing about the atmosphere. Chika didn't seem to mind it, much more engrossed with her playful strutting... but for Cave, she found herself lost within its tune. Such a splendid sound, like a band of angels playing their deep melody just for her sake. Oh, great! Now she was getting weak in the knees simply from hearing non-copyrightable yuletide ballads!

... Was there anything left to do that hadn't been done already? For such a makeshift date, the two had covered a lot of ground, if not unconventional... What was left?

... Dancing. Y-Yes, no walk through a tranquil park lit by fairy lights and blaring music as good as this could end without a slow dance! Little Miss Loner was terrible at the art, preferring to gyrate and pirouette only when it was part of her combat routine... but when the ditty-bug infects you, there's simply no recovering!

Two friends holding each other and swaying gently under a romantically-lit path... N-Nothing wrong with that, was there?

... A-All she yearned to do was ensure that Chika didn't think about Vert again! S-She simply didn't want her to sink into melancholy's cool waters... Alright, now she had absolutely no idea what she was talking about!

Figuring she was a lost cause, the red-haired soldier blinked... and found her eyes mere centimeters away from her best friend's zoomed-in face. "A-Ah!" was all she could sputter.

"Cavey? You feelin' okay?" the Oracle asked, a mischievous twist of her lips taunting the flustered warrior. "You've, like, kinda been starin' at my thighs for the past few minutes... Ha, I knew it: always pegged ya as a 'legs' kinda girl!" A wink. "But... I think we both know what my greatest 'asset' is~" The perky girl gave her rump a teasing slap, eliciting the darkest blush of the day from dear ole Cave. Add that to the tally!

"Y-You are m-mistaken!" But the red-haired warrior was caught... well, red-handed! Not necessarily the part about her getting her kicks out of long legs (weeeeeeeeell...), but the fact that she was eyeing her childhood friend like a sleazy old man. "I was just... thinking..."

"Ahuh? About my butt?"

"N-NO!" What to do, what to do?... Screw it. "... Hey, Chika?"

The Oracle placed her hands on her hips. "Er, yeah? You're not feeling sick, right?" Genuine concern began to swell. "We can head back whenever ya wa-"

"Can I..." Cave began, offering a hand to her partner, an action which silenced Chika faster than a dueling quick-draw of the mute button. "... have this dance?" What a stock line... but it felt right for the occasion. If only she had a rose to place in her mouth to complete the scene.

Chika was bewildered at first... but the feeling briskly passed, and that sly grin returned. "Ooh, a classy pervert? I dig that... But, don't you suck at dancing? I mean, when you're not blowing people up?"

Cave shrugged. "... Yep. Perhaps you can teach me?"

The Oracle was not accustomed to hearing her stern buddy speak this way, and she had to say that it was... certainly welcome. "I like how that sounds... Okay, but only 'cause it's you, Cavey!" With that, the two took each other by the hands, embraced... and began swaying to and fro to the quiet medley of peaceful instruments.

It quickly became apparent that Chika... was not fit to be a teacher, at least when it came to the fine art of dance; she stepped on Cave's toes more than a few times... and that's if we just count the first minute! This took the pressure off of the stylish soldier, and she actually found herself taking charge! Her arms trailed lower and, when her friend didn't resist, she wrapped them around Chika's well-tuned waist. Her appendages fit snugly, like the last missing puzzle pieces falling into place. As natural as two conjoined coworkers could be!

"Mmmm... Feels so nice~" the scantily-clad professional cooed into the hold, similar in nature to the one at lunch. "You're... good at this..." Not content with being upstaged, Chika laced her own arms around Cave's neck and began to move in earnest. Their eyes locked onto each other, and stayed that way for an eternal moment, separated from the space-time continuum.

Step, step, twirl... Step, step, twirl... They cuddled close and danced to their heart's content.

For that moment, Chika forgot all about Vert ignoring her for the holiday, and Cave forgot about how lonely she had been in recent memory... nay, forever. For that one moment, they could only focus on the one they were holding.

...

The song came to an end, as all good things must... and Chika rested her head upon Cave's chest, right beneath her chin. The SMD warrior gladly accepted her faithful companion; her partner through thick and thin.

The lights were far more vivid now, radiating heavenly illumination from high above, and putting the sun on the warmest days to shame! Nothing could make this moment more perfect...

... Well, that wasn't exactly true; Cave still had a green-wrapped box in her pocket. Should...Should she do it now? Was now the time?! Would a better moment, a better SECOND, ever arrive?

She could wait until Christmas... but sometimes, life can't wait for ordained days. Occasionally, you have to grab the universe by the dwarf planets and seize the day for yourself!

Thus, our introspective red-haired maiden slowly broke the embrace and looked into her friend's eyes. "Cave..." her friend whispered, her voice filled with a grand type of bliss.

Cave gave her the warmest smile possible and quickly produced the gift from her pocket, presenting it before the government official. Spontaneity would work best here! Chika's eyes widened, a look of wonderment most out-of-character rushing to her face faster than the rising blood. The SMD Warrior chuckled subconsciously at the "horsebird-caught-in-the-airship's-headlights" look. "... Merry Christmas, Chika."

"W-Wha-?" Chika yelped, her soul somersaulting out of her mortal vessel. She gently clasped the box, looked at Cave, gawked at the box, looked back at Cave, back to the box, back to Cave... and eventually found the wherewithal to pry the present open. Once the wrapping came undone and she observed the jewelry box in all its opulence, her complexion bloomed so exquisitely. She opened the tiny lid on the box, and met with her eyes the sight of the sublime necklace. She was locked in place, rooted to the ground, as a mixture of emotions flooded over her unprepared brain. "But how?... I mean, w-why?... I mean, HOW?!... W-Wha?!"

Cave giggled; a record for not only today, but her entire life. "... Only idiots buy gifts on Christmas Eve... but then I remembered that we're the biggest idiots around. Made perfect sense to me, at least."

Chika was at a loss for words, her mouth hanging open as Cave helped her put the choker around her delicate neck. When all was said and done, the red-head found out that she had been completely correct: the necklace matched her friend like nothing else! "There! Perfect, as always... I hope you... like it." The warrior closed her eyes. "... I wish to give you as much joy as... you've given me. This is but a small start."

"C-Cavey..." Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry... Oh, it was no use! "C-Cavey!" Could anything other than a tight hug be expected? The two yearned to never let go! "... You really are... the best damn friend anyone could ever ask for!"

"As are you. The best."

"The greatest."

"Flawless."

"Perfect."

Every small breath became visible in the cold air, and their eyes were heat-seeking missiles trained on one another. The music was drowned out by the all-encompassing silence, one that seemed to carry all the pleasant emotions of the world. Bliss radiated off the two Leanbox losers, and as if the fates decreed it, the two slowly moved their heads closer and closer, their lips drawing ever so near. Such a major step... and by golly, it felt so natural!

... But alas, the two childhood friends snapped back to their senses at the last possible moment! Realizing exactly what they were about to do, Chika and Cave pulled away, sheepishly rubbing the back of their heads in an attempt to casually hide their humiliation. "W-Wow, uh, l-look at the time, e-eh?! We, uh, really should, uh, be-a heading home now, right?" the Oracle asked, trying her best to catch her tongue.

"Y-Yes, you are absolutely correct... W-We should! S-Staying out too late is just a-asking for trouble!"

With their cheeks scorched with an even darker red that totally trumped the last noted record, the two took one last look at the park's lights... before disembarking back to the Basilicom. Their footwear clacked with each step on the sidewalk path they walked upon, the annoying sound being the only proof that these travelers weren't ghosts, but instead physical human beings.

Cave and Chika kept utterly silent, both unsure of how to react to what just happened. To the warrior, she feared she finally made the inevitable mistake she knew she would!

As for the professional, she... pondered just WHO it was her very heart desired...

* * *

Closer to the Basilicom's yard, the troubled companions passed by what felt like the only lit window left in the city. It was filled with TVs, and some strange holiday special (*shudder*) had just concluded. A news broadcast promptly kicked on:

 _"Hank, you said you took some good photos of lovely couples in honor of the season?"_

 _"Oh, of course I did, Gwyneth! I know how to scout out the best photo ops; it's not even a question! I covered wars, you know! And what is love, if not the toughest war of all? Eh, eh?!... Er, here's a few of 'em right now! Roughly 15, to be exact... Er, well, not so 'roughly', actually..."_

Out of a sheer desire to clear their minds through any means possible, the two friends stopped to watch. The screens showed plenty of happy couples all throughout Leanbox's capital, all looking lost in their own love. Well, most of them at least: a silver-haired girl with glasses and a timid brown-haired young man looked completely unsettled under the camera's prying scope, and two girls (who our heroines could swear were fellow allies Nisa and Gust) were so clearly embarrassed to be seen in an intimate setting together that they covered their faces beneath brown paper bags. Such a... weird news expose... but that's what a slow day will get you.

Cave and Chika weren't sure how to feel... and that was when they suddenly saw themselves hugging back at lunch, a bad computer-generated heart serving as a border around them. The picture lasted the longest of the bunch, and was even coined "Leanbox's Star Couple of 20XX: Chika the Oracle and... lover-friend-McPerson."

The two of them turned and faced each other, shocked looks on both of their faces. "C-Cavey... Is that r-really...?"

"... Hmm, yes... Yes it is."

"A-And... they're calling us a..."

"Star couple? Yeah..."

Chika nodded quietly. "Wow... I-I never expected... this..." Her face flushed as she continued studying the unauthorized photograph. "W-Well, how about that..."

Cave was expecting some sort of overreaction from her dear friend; perhaps she'd get far too panicked to be considered healthy about the possibilities of rumors spreading and reaching Vert's ears (assuming the CPU wasn't watching the news in the first place... but in all likelihood, she wasn't)? Mayhap she'd be concerned about what this meant for them as friends, worrying that the awkwardness would create a rift between them so long, you could fit an entire landmass in it. Or, maybe she'd simply be angry, and begin raining down slurs and not-so-T-Rated obscenities upon the news channel itself?

All possibilities... yet, the Oracle chose none of them. She remained collected, subdued in a way. Mature in a manner most unbefitting or her usual air. "Boy, we sure look happy, don't we?"

The SMD warrior's eyes widened, utterly blindsided by Chika's comment. "... Yes, we do. Not a care in the world." It was true... Why, you'd be forgiven to assume the woman she was staring at was not her own reflection! Cave had never... looked so at peace with herself.

"... Y'know, Cavey..." the normally-confident woman began, biting her thumbnail. Bad habits plague the best of us. "... Today was the longest I've ever gone without, y'know, thinking about... Vert." A nervous laugh. "After that hug... you were the only one on my mind! H-Haha, w-what's that about, amirite?"

Now it was Cave's turn to embrace the mythical flushed face. Not that she was embarrassed about her friend's words; more like, she was shocked by how she couldn't agree more. "... Likewise: I STILL can't stop thinking about you." Nonono, that was NOT a smart thing to say! She was making it weird again!

... But wait, why didn't the green-haired professional seem to mind the dweebish comment? She continued looking at the screen, even as the picture mercifully flicked off and the newscasters went on to talk about vicious warp-pipes. "Us, a couple? Never thought about it... Huh."

"... Do you... mind the thought?"

One prolonged instance of quietness, the red-haired loner worrying she broke some unspoken rule as her childhood friend thought on the day's activities. What if she doesn't respond?! Whatever will she do th- "... I think I kinda like it."

"... As do I."

Another scratch of the head; a nervous tick if there ever was one. "... B-But, I dunno... W-Won't this make things weird? Like, between us?"

Cave thought and thought and thought... and for once had no doubt in her mind. "Perhaps... This could be the stupidest thing we'll ever do in our entire lives..." And THAT covered a whole lotta bases! "... But..."

"... We're idiots... right? W-We're... s-supposed to do s-stupid things!" In that second, Chika had made up her mind! She banged her fist like a judge's gavel into her open palm. "Yeah! Like, buying gifts on Christmas Eve, a-and ordering really suspect and crummy food, and laughing at fat fake guys, and-"

"- wearing improper clothing for the winter, and dancing in the cold, and-"

"- and... giving me the best gift I've ever gotten... M-Making me blush like a damn child..."

"Enjoying making a damn child blush."

"H-Hey! Add that one too: being mean... and making me kinda like it..." The two both took sharp intakes of breath, filling their lungs with delicious air. Chika wiped a few tears from her eyes, the excitement getting to her. "... So... I guess we're, like, a... couple now?"

Cave smiled softly and pointed her thumb at her adorable friend. "... You aren't worried about what Vert will think?"

"... Nah," the Oracle began, scrunching her lips. "... I can only focus on us right now, I guess... Does that make me a bad sister?"

"Only if I'm a bad soldier."

"Yeah, still working that one out, actually..." Chika giggled, before wrapping her arms snugly around Cave's neck. "... It's gettin' kinda chilly... Wanna take me home... puddin'?"

A proud glint entered the stoic enforcer's eyes, and she nodded. "... Of course, under one condition: think of better terms of endearment."

"Awww, I liked that one! Okay... Hmm, 'ladybird'? 'Sweet Chuck'? 'Dainty duck'? 'Bewb-ass-tic Babe'? Any of those?"

"... Er, we'll work it out..."

Enough had been said... and the friends walked on, heading back home in each other's arms. Their feet were exhausted, as were their heads. Their hearts though, however trite it may sound, were firmly rested and awake! The clouds overhead rolled in... but by then, they were off!

* * *

They reached the castle's doors as soon as the snow began to fall. "Dah, took ya long enough!" Chika yelled up at the cruel sky. The sky offered no immediate comment.

The two quietly snuck inside, not sure who was actually up and about. It was one thing to claim to be a couple... but their nerves were still very fickle, and possibly wouldn't last as soon as someone saw them holding hands.

Sure enough, as their boots clacked against the marble floor of the foyer... a different set of footsteps could be heard off in the next room. One of the Basilicom's many many kitchens (this was a HUGE castle... Go big or go home, right?)... Well, IF and Lyrica were out and about, and the guards had all gone home for the holidays... so who could it be but the main attraction herself, Vert?

Cave looked at Chika, whose eyes had shrunk. "... Ready?"

"... Y-Yep!"

The goddess was standing at the microwave, greeting the friends' sights immediately. She sipped at a cup of hot cocoa, and was wearing a rather goofy sweater Neptune stitched for her. It was surprisingly well done (a dead giveaway that either Histoire or Noire assisted her in no small part)... save for the picture of the pigvader on the front, Neptune's face horrifically plastered on... Well, it's the thought that counts, they say.

Vert didn't turn to address them; her eyes stared blankly ahead, the only inch of her with animation being her cocoa-drinking arm.

Chika gulped... and Cave's heart instantly sank. Reality came crashing down... and she realized that this would be the moment where Chika would revert to fawning over the CPU, and apologize for 'acting crazy' and even insinuating she and the warrior would ever be more than friends. Alas, the plight of an eternal loner was never finished. Oh well... This is how she had always lived, and maybe it truly would be for the bes-

"W-We're back, Verty... I, uh, have something to tell ya... I-I mean, WE have som-... y-y'know..." Chika stammered, before shocking Cave by squeezing her hand tighter than before. "Me and Cavey... W-We're together now! Y-Yeah, that's right, we've gotta update our relationship status on Chirper and Nepbook! We're a full-blown couple, who're gonna do... a crapton of 'couples' things, yep! She won't forget about me on Christmas, Spooky-Scary Day, 'Laugh at Lowee' Day, Valentine's Day, Arbor Day... None of 'em!"

Cave began sweating... but her new girlfriend continued on, her voice escalating to a near-yell! "Oho, and I know the question that's on your mind: how far are we taking this relationship, right? We-eeeell, lemme give ya a hint: we're gonna go ALL THE WAY! They'll need to bump up the rating FAAAA-AAAAR beyond 'Adults-Only' with the kinda things we'll do to each other! Hell, we'll need to develop a whole new 'Hektik' engine just for the breast physics alone! Words not even in the dictionary will need to be written to describe the thrashing her booty will take!" The SMD warrior's face had long disappeared, replaced entirely by crimson humiliation. The Oracle ignored this and nodded resolutely, finishing her spiel by pointing her long finger towards the CPU "So, Verty-poo... I'm sorry, but... I'm off the market from this day forth! I... It's certainly nothing against you, n-never think that! I..." She leaned her head against the frozen soldier's shoulder. "... I just, I learned that I feel best... when with my bestest buddy in the world! I feel right, you know?"

"..." Vert didn't turn her head; she simply finished off her cup and held it to her lips for a minute. What was she about to say?

Anticipating a potential storm... the stylish Casanova pulled her new lover closer. They would face the CPU's wrath together! "... Apologies, my Lady... but I can not deny her words... Well, the basic crux of them, anyhow."

Tick, tock, tick, tock... A cuckoo clock in the corner clicked away, ramping up the tension in the fateful Leanbox kitchen.

At long last... Vert rested the empty cup on the counter, and shifted her head towards the two idiotic companions. "... Oh, hello you two! I didn't see you there! I hope you had a wonderful day!" She then hurriedly scanned the timer on the microwave, and clasped her hands together. "We retry the raid in three minutes! I must really be off... Merry Christmas, my dearest Chika, Cave." With that, the goddess bobbed a curtsy to the loyal Leanbox devotees, before scurrying to her room like a rat who had eaten just a smidgen too much moldy cheese (not Pirachu... or Warechu, his distant localized cousin).

Cave and Chika were flabbergasted, and how could they not be?! "She... didn't hear a single thing I said..." the Oracle whined, her shoulders sinking.

"... I should've expected that, honestly... We'll just have to tell her tomorrow. Consider it a blessing: we have time to come up with a more... virtuously-upstanding proclamation of our... amour."

"... I'll pretend that made sense... Am I able to keep the allusions to your bouncing breasts? The line about your booty-thrashing? I feel they help paint a detailed pictu-"

"No."

* * *

 _"Judge, you're alive! AND human!"_

 _"Of course I am, fair Linda! I've also brought a... little surprise with me!"_

 _"Heya, Lindy! Miss me?! Sorry it took me so long to make an appearance!"_

 _"Huuuuh?! N-Nepgeo, I thought you couldn't make it to the ASIC Heartmas Jamboree?!"_

 _"I'd never miss a chance to slap your sock-puppet butt, Lindy!" *slap!*_

 _"A-Ah! O-Owie... W-Wowzers!"_

 _"Wowzers indeed, fair Linda! You know... I learned something today: life is no fun when you trap yourself inside of a box, spiritual or otherwise. Be it doubt or worry or concern or indigestion, you can't just hide from people and expect to find happiness! You need to break free from your self-inflicted confines, and live by the inner machinations of your heart, not by the preconceived notions others may have of you!"_

 _"Judge... that was righteous! I almost forgot that you used to be some massive blood-thirsty murderous robotic behemoth!"_

 _"Thank you, thank you... I get that a lot."_

The late evening hour soon dawned, midnight none too far away... and the two friends sat together on the sofa in the dimly-lit tree room, holding their own cups of hot cocoa, and soaking in the terrible Christmas special... AGAIN! Worse yet, this marked the beginning of the 24-hour block focusing squarely on this same exact tepid film... so Christmas Day would be filled with many more airings of this blight to cinema and the holidays.

However, the longer they watched it... they began to notice a certain indescribable charm to it. Sure, it was a bit too long, kinda rambly, none too focused, a bit hastily-strewn together, and just came completely out-of-nowhere... but something about it soothed the soul.

... Or, it could also just suck. But that's the beauty of art, isn't it? Who knows what people can pick up from the unlikeliest of sources?

As our heroines cuddled together beneath the symbol of the yuletide season, Chika brought her lips to Cave's unknowing ear. "So, Cavey," she whispered softer than a gentle summer breeze. "... When are ya going to kiss me? Kinda left me hanging back there..."

The soldier's eyes widened. "K-Kissing?! W-Wha... I-I mean..."

"Hehe, have you... ever kissed a girl before, Cavey? Bundle of innocence... You're so cute~"

"I-I... N-No comment!" The warrior turned suddenly, catching Chika by complete surprise, for the Oracle had yet to move away from her friend's ear. As a result, their faces were no more than a bare-naked molecule apart. "... Goddess, you look so beautiful."

"... You're not bad yourself. On a scale of one to ten, I'd rank ya... Hmmm, yeah, about a six!"

A displeased look washed over Cave's face. "... A six? That's the best I get?"

"Hey, you should feel honored! I'm so hot, I take up seven, eight, nine, AND ten... so six is the best you could hope for by default!" Yep, there was that wink again... Chika's gonna Chika.

"... Idiot." As natural as breathing, Cave closed the small gap and placed her lips upon Chika's, and the two melted into each other. The puzzle pieces were finally all in place... The night was complete.

Oh, and Cave firmly determined that... being a loner was UNQUESTIONABLY overrated.

* * *

On a dramatic battlefield, a meeting place for derelict spirits, Lady Green Heart and her three lovely allies stood tall amid the deepest depths of the 'Blasted Lands™'. Their armor was relatively the same as last time, but each of their lances had now transformed; grinding materials was grating, but VERY helpful. Gone were the teeth of a demonic shark, replaced now with the more powerful jaw of a Unicorn. With their speed and defense boosts capping things off, there was no way a repeat of last time could happen!

The timer loomed heavy; they had less than 10 minutes to beat the beast.

"Ladies, I thank you all for staying with me during this dark and difficult time," Lady Green Heart began with the booming voice fitting of a true General of War. She's had experience in more ways than one, and we'll just leave it at that... "Our continuous efforts to strengthen our bodies have not gone unrewarded. Our equipment is stronger, our very BODIES are more fit for mortal combat, and, most importantly of all perhaps, our passion has grown far more prodigious than ever before! Together, this raging beast shall fall to the ground, and free our people once and for all!"

The other three cheered and raised their blades high in the air, the personalized emote strangely emitting a very masculine "Hoorah!" sound. Hopefully that'll get kicked out in a future patch... The celebrations were short-lived, however, when the ground began to shake with an intensity stronger than most cataclysmic earthquakes.

Soccer Heart looked back and nearly jumped out of her armor! "W-Woah, t-the ball's in play! Blow the whistle, he's spawned already!"

Lady Green Heart was not concerned. "Then let us be off! Come comrades: let's fight this final battle and seize glory!"

With a shout to the heavens, the four ladies stormed the creature, slicing here and there and everywhere! Their speed was unmatched, especially compared to early that morning, to the point that a bystander would only see four balls of light flashing in and out of existence. The creature screamed and fired its lasers, but nothing could connect; the ladies were just too much for him!

As before, the creature staggered and fell; if history is correct, it was simply playing possum. "All right, time for our- CORRECTED- legendary move!" Blue Heart proclaimed as she fist-bumped the air. The four women once again placed their lances together, ushering force the burst of energy required to unleash the spell.

"Your time in this realm is over! Prepare to embrace the punishing flames of hell!"

As soon as the creature picked itself back up, the goddesses' mighty laser shot through the air, piercing the very wind... and crashing within the bundle of tentacle eyes! The Beast-Monster uttered out an ear-splitting screech, and its eyes began glowing... before stumbling under its own weight and landing hard into the dried dirt. Dying a slow death, the monstrosity twitched a few times in a losing effort to regain its footing, but it vanished into the night before long. From the dust of the defeated foe... rose a butterfly? The peaceful critter hovered over the crater in the ground until it grew tired of this sad realm, and flew away with a silent flutter.

"... Weird..." Green Heart muttered. "... Well? What now? Certainly we are finished, are we not?"

Blue Heart squinted into the depths of the pit where the beast once lay, and suddenly exclaimed "Look! There's our prize!" Sure enough, a weapon was impaled deep into the ground! "Seems the rumors weren't just a load of jibber-jabber!"

The clock struck 11:59... and the day was won! The four Goddesses cheered and gave out the proper high-fives and words of thanks. Each one leveled up as they investigated the remains of the creature. "What an awful being... I must admit that this boss fight was pretty... dumb. Worse than pointless Tactical Objectives..." Red Heart remarked with a strange emote.

"Indeed..." Green Heart said, nodding to herself. "... but at least we have rid the world of it for good. Come, now; let us claim our true prize together!"

Each warrior thusly grabbed for the sword... yet for some strange reason, only Green Heart was able to clasp it. Everyone else was unable to even lovingly graze it with their fingers, for when they tried, an in-game message would pop up over their heads!

"Hmmm... 'Only the host can acquire'... H-Host?!" Soccer Heart yelled, face-palming on the spot. However, she quickly shook her head with a flush burning her cheeks. "Oh, I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to raise my voice!"

Easy enough to assume that the others were none-too-pleased either. "I just did all this for nothing?! What a legendary mistake on my part... That's it, I'm done with this stupid game! I have a LIFE..." Blue Heart called, before blinking out of existence. She had signed off.

"This is simply unacceptable! Not even Survival Mode was this tedious... I'm with Estelle on this one!" Red Heart followed suit, logging off in a mad fit.

Soccer Heart nervously shifted her feet, but she couldn't hide her annoyed sweat-drop. "S-Sorry Green Heart, b-but I'm giving this game a LOT of red cards!" With that, she vanished as well... and soon, only one goddess remained.

Thus, Lady Green Heart was alone with her prize. "My friends have all left me... and I guess I cannot blame them... O-Oh well, at least I have finally finished this cursed event!" Her words echoed throughout the land, reverberating off the mountains for no one to hear, and she quickly equiped her new lance. "Time to try this bad boy out..."

Once the weapon was in her hands... she noted that something seemed, well, 'off' about it.

"... Nep...tune?" Indeed it was: the event's grand prize was not a traditional lance, but instead a stick with a detransformed Lady Purple Heart's head attached to the top. The ditz's grinning face taunted Green Heart like nothing else. "... Odd design choice, b-but I shall not complain! J-Joke weapons are typically the strongest in the game! The fact that this was able to be achieved through legit means instead of being available only as DLC is a cause for celebration in its own right!"

Whatever the story behind this weapon's... hideous design, the CPU still had a job to do: showcase her new 'blade' to the land!

She flew off aimlessly to the north until she found a random Dogoo slithering about. It was a surprisingly-high level for its species... but with her new spear of Nep-Justice, it shouldn't be a problem! "Forgive me, little creature, but you shall be my experiment! Legendary weapon of the fallen beast, reveal to me your power!"

She swung the blade, crashed it directly into the Dogoo... and a message appeared from the head's mouth. "Howdy, mah name is Neptune, but you can call me 'Neppers' if ya really want! Want to hear more about me and my never-ending quest for the Kingdom of the Crystal Pudding? Pay for the expansion coming next month! It'll rock yer socks off! Yo, it may even be, dare I say it... complete awesomesauce!"

Green Heart had no idea what these alien words meant... but the Dogoo was still alive, so she chose to ignore Neptune's voice and continue attacking the beast. She stabbed it again and again, but the exact same message replayed each and every time. After 8 swings, she even began to realize that the Dogoo wasn't even losing health; a nifty '0' appeared above the monster's head with all her strikes. What... sorcery was this?!

...

Back in the Basilicom, Vert stared blankly at the screen, her face eternally in a smile. Her finger kept clicking on the mouse with a constant rhythm, the kind of which would make for the basis of a popular pop song (so, an awful one). Her avatar on the screen continued to hack at the enemy, only for the pop-up to appear, forcing her to close it each harrowing time. The Dogoo was slowly depleting her energy, unphased by her useless assault

"..." This continued for a few more minutes... until the goddess had finally- FINALLY!- had enough! Words from earlier in the day that had simply evaded her hearing came rushing back to her... and her heart physically shook. "... I'm... such an idiot..."

Lacking a single emotion on her face, the goddess closed the game, turned off her computer, stood from her chair... and stepped outside her bedroom, walking the castle's halls in a complete stupor.

"Such an idiot..."


End file.
